The Cranial Equity Loan

High school English teacher and would-be novelist STEPHEN MURRAY has had it with his job and wants to quit. His colleague and friend DAVE MATHERS (who has taken out a home equity loan to live his dream of traveling around the world) suggests that STEPHEN try a cranial equity loan so that STEPHEN can quit his job and write a novel. STEPHEN goes to the local bank and meets with MR. CONOVER who approves a loan of fifty thousand dollars.

Six months later, STEPHEN has a serious case of writer's block. DAVE recommends penury and tells him that his first step should be gambling away all the money he has borrowed so that he will be able to suffer privation like other great writers. They decide to go to the racetrack and bet on the Melbourne Cup because with twenty-four horses running, STEPHEN is sure to lose.